I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
