He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
