The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
