Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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