You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
