I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
