my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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