If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
