If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
