Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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