This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
