dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
