Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
