I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
