someone get that fucking seahorse.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're a waste of cheezeits
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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