We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
