The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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