The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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