I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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