I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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