You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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