Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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