somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
