So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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