I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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