Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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