is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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