Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
