Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
