just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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