Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
