Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
