i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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