When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
