Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
