Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
