Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
