What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
