im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
