I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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