the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
People in love make me want to vomit
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
