True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
