THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
