please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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