We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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