Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
cat food counts as protein by the way
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
