dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
