The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
