I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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