I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
