I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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