dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
