Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
